It Took Me A While To Get To This Place
I love, love, love going for runs in nature. I find that connecting to God while I am running helps me connect to what's going on internally. I like to ask for God's guidance just before my run, to show me what to clear that's holding me back from my joy.
I had one of those mornings where I was just worrying too much. I couldn't find our cat. You know how we can feel the truth in our body but still deny it, that was me on this particular morning. The spiritual intelligence in my body gave me every signal that our cat, Maui, was safe, but my mind wanted to run with unnecessary drama. The truth is that I couldn't have asked for a better gift than what was unlocked on my run that day. I can absolutely say thank you to the fear and trauma that initiated my day.
It all started with some simple belief work.
My belief work went like this; Creator, show me what to work on today. The answer came back "control". Like the flow of a thought stream, one thought after another came "your ex boyfriend". I understood immediately. I was sixteen and in a relationship with a very unstable bad boy type and I had no control. I followed the thought streams that weren't only thoughts but an embodiment of aged trauma and fear. Next, I heard " your childhood" memories flooded my minds eye of the threats I faced in my family home, I had no control. From there, I asked myself "when will I have control" the answer came "when i'm dead" the next thing I heard (the God answer) was "control does not exist". In a flash, I understood so much.
How alive can we be if we are attempting to control things outside of ourselves. Control is the death of life, the death of joy, the death of being. Our splendid universe is in a constant state of controlled chaos, birthing and destroying but always creating something even more spectacular through controlled chaos.
Let's truly live this life experience. Let's be radiant beings of joy, fearless in our expression; knowing and understanding that the past is the past and in this moment we are free beings, safe with unlimited choices ahead of us. We have the choice to choose joy, fear, control, love etc. in all our moments. Choose what feels better and better and better.
Nurture and settle that inner child, let go of control and see what arises.
Sending love and light.